This post gets personal
I can’t say this who I need to, so I’m just going to blurt it here.
I can’t be around you, or your family at the moment because of your brothers news.
3 years ago you backed me into a corner and gave me an ultimatum- get an abortion or I go. It looks harsh written like that, and it felt harsh to my ears. We were at Punt Rd and you said we’d been together 3 weeks, you couldn’t be a father. I was 20, and I thought you were perfect. A voice in my head and hormones in my body screamed for that baby, but I did what I KNOW was right and terminated.
Our babies (as I discovered it was twins) were due March 5, 2011. They would be 3 now. Every February into March I get melancholy, I wonder what might have been. I wonder what they would look like- would they have my wild blonde hair? Would they question their world like you? I’ll never know.
Again, I know we did the right thing.
But I now wish so desperately for a baby, for a sweet little child… And having your mum constantly hint about grandkids made me want them even more. As a spoilt grandchild I want my child to know that love and adoration.
And then you wonder why I got up and walked out when we heard the news…that she’s due in March. I couldn’t sit there and act like I was happy when in honesty a little part of my world fell apart. You took my march baby, the first grandchild, my dreams and made me put on that gown…and a part of me will always hate you for it.
I can’t be happy for your family, for your brother…because that should have been me.
Drying your hands when there isn’t any paper towel
I LAUGHED SO MUCH HARDER THAN NECESSARY. IT WAS MORE LIKE A WHEEZE.
Feeling down in the dumps so yes of course watching Per Manum will help
- fetuses do not think
- they do not “scream out” when they are aborted
- they have no brain function and no nerve endings until long after the deadline for a legal abortion
- they aren’t “sad” when you abort them
- they do not “realize what is happening”
And these aren’t my beliefs, they’re scientific facts
I am the kind of girl that you take home to meet your mom
and she loves me
when you are mean to me
and lose me,
she will ask why I’m not around
did she ever do that before?
I am the kind of girl that you give up the late night text messages
with your ex-girlfriend for
she makes you feel like shit anyways
and the reason why you stopped being on your phone
all the damn time
trying to flirt with someone you hardly even know
to fill a void
but if you don’t drop that for me
I won’t stay long
I’m not the kind of girl
who gets caught in a web
with someone who doesn’t look towards the future
I am the kind of girl who would rather be alone
than with someone who always puts me second (never again)
and I am not to be pushed to the side
I am not an option
I am all or nothing
does that intimidate you?
I am the kind of girl
that makes you wonder why you didn’t look more carefully at the sky
before you met me
you probably trust me
and think I could complete you
(maybe I will)
and the kind of girl who is terrified of you
because she doesn’t know how to let someone in
because I like your mom too and I don’t want
her to text me six months from now saying
it had been a pleasure to know me
and she wishes I was still around
I just really want Silas and I to get engaged.
But apparently that’s not ever going to happen.
On March 6th, 1992,
2122 years ago, Special Agent Dana Scully walked into the cluttered basement office of one Special Agent Fox Mulder on an assignment to debunk his work on The X-Files. That is the day history was made and lives were changed. Thank you for all the laughter and tears.